TK

"Some men see things as they are and ask why, I dream things that never were, and ask why not?"

Ted Kennedy, quoting his brother Bobby, during his eulogy at Bobby's funeral.

1968

Driving Envy

Most of you may not know that I have spent a fair amount of time on the east coast. So, in brief, here is my philosophy on driving fast in two different states. In California everyone drives in the left lane, probably because in California they call the left lane “the fast lane” and the typical California male feels that their penis will actually increase in size if they drive exclusively in the fast lane. Of course, for the same reason, they feel that their size exponentially decreases for every car that passes them on the right and then sneaks into the space in front of them. What takes place is all out penis warfare in the left two lanes, with cars speeding and slowing and speeding and cutting each other off merely so no car can pass and thus, in effect, emasculate the male in the left lane. Therefore, whenever you see any signs of a possible back up on a highway of three lanes or more go immediately to the right lane. It’s entirely possible to go very fast in the right lane for several miles while the two left lanes are at a complete standstill. All you need to watch out for are the right lane entrance-ramp merges and the subsequent jerks who won’t let you or anyone else merge. Also, the California female driver is completely unpredictable, and becomes the wild card at all times. Fortunately, females in general don’t have their egos wrapped into their driving skills, which I suppose must ultimately stem from having a penis.

Now, in New Jersey, which includes the entire tri-state area of New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Connecticut and Delaware, things are a great deal more cut and dry. Never, ever, and I mean NEVER, use your blinker. The original idea behind the blinker is to let everyone know where you would like to go, but in New Jersey you don’t want anyone to know where you’re going because if they know, they won’t let you do it. The best course of action is to just throw the front end of your car in the direction you need to go, and go there with determination. Tri-staters can tell the rookies - the ones who know the rule but are too chicken to actually go through with it - and they eat them alive. What you need to do is just go. If you need to get three lanes over in the span of a quarter mile, just go. If you are trying to get out of the mall parking lot and onto Rt. 17, just go. If you’re in the exact change booth and all you have are dollar bills, just go (but you’re supposed to honk your horn). If anyone has a problem with what you’re doing, give him the finger because the thing that sets New Jersey apart from California is that they don’t shoot at you for giving the finger in New Jersey. It’s expected. It’s an accepted form of state vocabulary. It's actually a form of camaraderie - a term of endearment.

The only problem with this entire theory is that everyone in California is originally from New Jersey.

The Dude Abides

Having not won the lottery but encouraged that I was only 6 numbers off, I’m feeling pretty good now that it’s time for another blog entry. And hey, on the bright side – they’re saying that the recession is over, or at least it’s time to return “It’s a Wonderful Life” to Netflix.

The past two weeks at Snap Studio was filled with holiday cheer as we embarked on shooting the first installment of Christmas in Summer. We are in full holiday mode, which was punctuated by Ian and Whitney, my 8 and 5 year old children showing up to take advantage of left over Christmas cookies and hot chocolate. Which reminds me – have you ever tried explaining the job “food stylist” to someone who does not work in our industry? Everyone seems to simultaneously not get it and think it’s the funniest thing in the world. Everyone also thinks that we use Elmers Glue instead of milk. I mention this because we are in pre-production for a cookbook to be published next year and it is just impossible to talk about what I do for a living at cocktail parties. Of course I don’t go to a lot of cocktail parties, so it’s not a huge issue for me – but you never know when the “what do you do/what is a food stylist” question will pop up out of nowhere. And for all of the food stylists out there that may be reading this – I understand and appreciate you, believe me.

Just a little insight into my world: Whenever I’m feeling as though I need some creative inspiration, I watch “Hearts of Darkness” – the documentary about the making of Apocalypse Now. To me that is film making at its best – out on a limb, oftentimes not even knowing what you are doing but just letting your creativity take over and coming away with magic (if not just a little too violent) And by the way, did you know that there is a documentary film about people who are obsessed with the movie “The Big Lebowski”? There is even a festival every year that mostly consists of bowling and drinking White Russians. I don’t know about you, but I’m glad he’s out there, and I take comfort knowing that the dude abides.

Travelin

I’m writing from the middle seat on a united airlines flight, comin home after a successful trip to NYC to secure some east coast clients for Snap. After giving up my window seat with extra legroom to the woman with her baby for this middle seat back in steerage, and subsequently popping two sleeping pills that seem to be having no effect other than to balloon my fingers to the point where I can only type the letter “r” and the F5 tab, I decided to put on some Van Morrison and let you know what we’re up to.

A few things I’ve learned after being on the east coast: It’s unbearably humid in the summertime, but for some reason people still dress very nicely. It’s a little like Mexico. And despite the plethora of talented artists in New York, we found a great need for a studio that has the creative talent and resources that we offer at Snap. I also learned that when in New York, eat a lot of pizza – it’s amazing - and whatever you do, don’t use your blinker.

That’s it for now. Even though there is still over 4 hours left in the flight, I think I’ll lean over and watch the laptop next to me showing an old Hugh Jackman film. By the way, the baby is screaming, and the Van song of the moment is a live “Summertime in England” – very nice choice considering the circumstances.